sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
