he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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