...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
