I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
