When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
