Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
