The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
