If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
