i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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