I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
