I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
