the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
