I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He better not be in your backpack
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
