I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Even my vagina gasped.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
