mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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