Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
