i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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