Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
