oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
