i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
