The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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