I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
