my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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