the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
