just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
barbara walters just said penis...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
