It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
