I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
