She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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