You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
