I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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