All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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