I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
