please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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