I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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