can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
