This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
