walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize