So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
