he wants to bone in the snuggie
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize