Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
