Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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