Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
