Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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