Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
