I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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