he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I wish there were birth control emojis
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
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