i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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