just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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