at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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