You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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