i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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