I love black thongs
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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