my mouth tastes like poor choices
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
