Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
