Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
handjob tips. give me some.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
