God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
