ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
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thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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