The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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