I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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