Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
