Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
