The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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